William Ury: The walk from "no" to "yes" | Video on TED.com

It is very sad to me to see that sometimes we spend more time creating conflicts than taking care of and promoting life and integration.
How long is it going to take until we realize we are jeopardizing our chance to survive as a species as we keep on generating more grounds for conflicts and destruction? For how long this destructive model can exist?
I'll do my best as a Coach, a Mother, a friend to help people see a conflict as an opportunity to promote honest dialogue and generate grounds for integration of different perspectives.
Whenever we hide from others our true concerns in a conflict situation, instead of moving towards our goal, I believe we are limiting our chances to meet it at all.
Why not get to our negotiation rounds with a transparent agenda, and really be true to us and to the other? What do I gain by destroying my counterpart? What do I lose by doing so? Maybe what brought us to the negotiation table or to this difficult conversation is key to a whole new form of relationship between us that will honor our concerns and enable new forms of interaction that would add value to both of us, and we cannot see it today just because we think it is impossible to exist.
I hope that we'll be brave enough as a species and that we'll start using our intelligence to build a world for all of us Human beings to leave in harmony and integration.

I saw a remarkable video on TED.com today, and I'd like to share with you. It talks about conflict resolution, and in my opinion it is brilliant! I hope you will enjoy it and accept his invitation to walk the Abraham path.



Love,
Renata

TEDxHouston - Brené Brown

Vulnerability... it is amazing to realize how our vulnerability, that is so natural in our human condition, is lived by us as a deadly threat... it is amazing how Dr. Brown brilliantly leads us to realize that it is specifically through learning how to deal with this same vulnerability that we become truly able to connect with each other... I hope you will enjoy this 20 minute talk as much as I did.

Love,

Renata

Economic reality check, by Tim Jackson

This inspiring talk made me think about the importance of understanding the complexity of our actions, and the urgent necessity of being aware of the consequences of our behavior. How important it is to be less reactive in our actions, and more reflexive... how important it is for us to find the purpose in what we do and respect life and ourselves...
Tim Jackson is a brilliant economist and his systemic reasoning is really inspiring!
He invites us to think about our economic systems critically to understand its incongruences, contradictions, limitations... it is brilliant!!!!
From a mental model perspective, it is so important to question our beliefs in a constructive way, just as he helps us do!
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/tim_jackson_s_economic_reality_check.html?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2010-10-05

A Fly at my window

I was reading this afternoon, sitting in my favorite spot, in front of the big windows that communicate my living room to the balcony. Suddenly I heard a very irritating noise. It was a fly, trying to make itself penetrate the glass window to get outdoors. I opened the main window and observed its behavior. The fly kept on trying to go through the glass… it kept on flying and hitting the invisible wall on and on and on… I tried to push it into the open door… but it was useless… I just watched as it finally died of exhaustion…

Coincidently, I was reading Chris Argyris' book "Knowledge for Action" that talks about the way we create defensive routines that prevent us from learning and acting effectively inside organizations; looking at the dead fly on the floor and reading about defensive routines … and sadly, the fly behavior became so familiar… Sometimes we know our colleagues are just stuck in front of a window glass and we choose not to say anything because of our defensive routines inside organizations: if I say something I might be obliged to explain my point of view and this might lead me to a vulnerable position; sometimes, the ones hitting the window glass also know it won't get them to the other side, and still, this is what is expected from them, and therefore, this is what they do. And we get pretty efficient at hitting window glasses: we develop ways of alternating efforts so that no one actually dies hitting the glass window… we find out ways of keeping the glass window shining… and we finally forget to make a collective effort to really find out why we hit the invisible wall… we rather convince ourselves that we don't need to go outside… if we stay here, we will be able to control it better…. But unfortunately, when we do this, the life inside of us, just like the fly, ceases to exist…

 

Shared Vision

We usually talk about building a shared vision as it was possible to live without one inside a common environment. During my practice as Coach, more often than I would like it to be, I hear Executives express how they are preparing Communication Plans and Training Workshops to build a shared vision, as if it was something new and not existent before. I think it makes us fall into a lineal thinking process that compromises our ability to understand the complexity of the situation and identify the causes of a destructive shared vision inside our organizational environment.

For me, a shared vision is always in usage: it is the common knowledge about "how we do things around here". It is impossible to conceive a group of people in social interaction without a shared vision. This shared vision is expressed through our language, as our language interprets, defines, expresses, translates and creates our reality (or our experience of our reality). The only problem is that we are not aware of how we use our language in this process, and most of the times we are creating a shared vision that does not add value to the group we interact with and belong.

Albert Chillón, an inspiring and brilliant PhD professor at Universitat Autónoma de Barcelona, - and with whom I was lucky to study during my Doctorate course in Barcelona- presented us to a very interesting approach to Communications that proposes a shift of thinking that questions some of our deeper beliefs.

Albert talks about the linguistic awareness. In the first chapter of his book Literatura y Periodismo, he makes us reflect about the way we interact with the world through our language. He gathers brilliant ideas and insights from Humbodlt, Nietzsche, Mikhail Bakhtin, George Steiner, José Maria Valverde, Lluis Duch, and others, and structures a passionate reasoning about this legacy he claims abandoned by most of our social sciences about the implications of this linguistic awareness. The main ideas that impacted me are, in my words:

1. Becoming conscious of the linguistic nature of our mind and thoughts – our thoughts are either in words or in search for words;
   
2. Becoming conscious about the rhetoric nature of our language – as words are representations of our sensorial impressions and therefore are tropes;
   
3. Becoming conscious of the logo-mythic nature of language – the language is not just of logical nature, conceiving the word exclusively as logos, an abstract concept which is rational, non sensorial, referential and denotative. Being of logo-mythic nature, implicates that words "unite an abstract concept and a sensorial image, reason and representation, precise denotation and sensorial connotation, analytical reference and synthetic allusion, effectiveness and "affectionness"".*
   

As we become more conscious of the complexity of our society and brain, it is easier to accept that our language is much more than words we all share their same meaning. It is easy for us to accept the idea that we cannot understand the act of communication without diving into the complexity of the environment in which this communication act is performed as the meaning is constructed socially, through interaction… and I think we may all agree that our understanding happens in a very complex way as we process the information received inside our mind, where our mental models, language knowledge, social skills, emotional intelligence, sensorial perception and so forth play a role to make sense out of it.

Shared Vision? Well, from this perspective it is difficult to conceive a human group that do not share a vision… the big question here is understanding how we can make this shared vision add value to our group experience, business results, innovation processes, quality of life.

I believe a good way to start doing it is by enhancing our awareness of our reasoning strategies: if we will agree that our mind and thoughts are always in words or in search for words, understanding how we reason and which values and beliefs are being used by us and by our group to structure our world view and translate the sensorial impressions into ideas, we will generate means of diminishing our reactive experience and transforming it into a generative learning experience. And by doing so, we will be able to create an inspiring shared vision naturally, as we will understand our responsibility in the process of generating a common meaning.

Fred Kofman** suggests a leader is a person able to create a common narrative that all members of the group are able to relate to and use as reference to guide their path. I totally agree with him and that's why I believe it is so important to us to understand how we use our language to do it.

At Integral-Comm we dream of and help build a world where everyone is able to express their full potential as they master their reasoning ability with ethics, integrity and responsibility.

References:

*Albert Chillon, Literatura y Periodismo, una tradición de relaciones promiscuas, Universitat Autónoma de Barcelona, Servei de Publicacions, Colecció Aldea Global, 1999.

**Fred Kofman. Seminario Complexity Made Simple: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uBCx6Le96M

 

 

Empathic Leadership

Today I was talking to a client about how difficult it is sometimes to be ethical when doing business. Although we all will agree that we want to be ethical, if you look around you will still feel very strongly that the most common and successful way of doing business is caring more about "me" than "us", with all the ethical implications of that.
But we are also observing how we depend more and more upon others... it is common today to have to deal with shortage of supply, shortage of resources... This shortage is a bless! It will lead us more and more to the best way of getting the most of every negotiation situation: 50%-50%.
I believe that being an ethical and empathic leader will soon be the only way to lead effectively.
Anne Lise Kjaer suggests we will see more and more women on strategic management positions at the 21st century company, as being empathic comes more naturally to women; in her words: people do not work FOR her, but WITH her. I hope the link to her video will work!
Best Regards to you all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXmqOUrq0iw&feature=player_embedded

Fields Wicker-Miurin: Learning from leadership's "missing manual" | Video on TED.com

Fields Wicker-Miurin: Learning from leadership's "missing manual" | Video on TED.com

Fields Wicker-Miurin tells us the story of three leaders. They do not have MBAs or have gone to Business Schools, but they have a clear purpose in their lives and they are creating a great impact on the lives of so many people, us included.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the example I am to my son, to my partner, to my family.
I think we only begin to change and really commit to the quest of finding our own purpose in this life when we forget about things we "must" do and begin to experience things we "feel good" doing. And, if you do so, I think you will notice that the "feel good" will be more fulfilling as it involves more and more people... when it begins to break time barriers... space boundaries... and becomes all about "connectedness"... when the things you feel good doing begin to transform your experience and that of those around you.
I call this happiness. I call this achievement. I call this love.

Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action | Video on TED.com

Simon Sinek: How great leaders inspire action | Video on TED.com

I believe that when we begin to pay attention to the messages we are communicating in our daily lives, it helps us understand if we are being coherent with our beliefs. Simon Sinek suggests we will only be able to lead people - and if you are a leader (having the power to lead) you will be interested in understanding how you can improve your leading abilities - if we communicate from within... from our beliefs... inspiring others... because people buy our "whys", and not our "whats" and "hows". And people not only "buy" our "whys"; they also commit and adhere to it as well. We only commit and adhere to ideas/beliefs that we share or that we are inspired to start sharing.
Besides that I believe this is a key concept to achieve true happiness. In Gandhi's words: happiness is when what I think, say and do are in harmony.

Love and happiness to you all,
Renata

Henrique Saraiva's dream come true

I'd like to share with you today something that is very special to me. The link is in Portuguese, and unfortunately with no translations available.
This is the story of Henrique Saraiva's dream come true. When he was 18 he got partially paralyzed when he was shot during a robbery in Rio de Janeiro. Instead of surrendering to his dreams, he decided to create an NGO that helps disabled people learn how to surf.
The link will take you to a TV show that made a story of his NGO.
Although it has nothing to do with communication, it has everything to do with re-defining our mindset's limitations. If we believe we can do something, we can do it!

http://video.globo.com/Videos/Player/Esportes/0,,GIM1327248-7824-PORTADORES+DE+NECESSIDADES+ESPECIAIS+USAM+O+SURFE+PARA+SUPERAR+BARREIRAS,00.html

I don't know how to activate the link... :-( I'm sorry! But following it you will get there! :-)

Lewis Pugh's mind-shifting Everest swim | Video on TED.com

Lewis Pugh's mind-shifting Everest swim | Video on TED.com

What Radical tactical shift do we have to take to stop enforcing and accepting predatory mechanisms to happen?
I think we should challenge ourselves to do exactly what Lewis did. Since I'm passionate about communication, please let me suggest a shift of our communication tactics/strategies. When we want to get/have something, we use communication strategies. I think we can begin to change this world by changing the way we address other people and the way we narrate our experience.
change our communication strategies... become more receptive to understand the complexity and interconnectedness of ourselves... forget about defensive strategies and care more about consensus strategies... being finally able to contribute to the building of a different human experience. I wish this new human experience to include all of us with the same rights and responsibilities... I wish this new human experience to be not defensive, but caring... not aggressive, but gentle... not tolerant, but receptive to differences. I believe we can do it. I believe in our potential to create whatever we are able to imagine.
Love,
Renata

How we define our borders...

I think we have a tendency (necessity?) to establish borders; not only geo-politically speaking, but through our speeches and argumentation strategies in order to make sense of our existence. I once had the opportunity to read some very interesting anthropological studies about people's ability to generate new cultural trends by assembling two or three different cultural behaviors in a new form of expression (James Lull, www.jameslull.com). In fact, we see it all the time through the internet, for instance: our own kids are generating new words and meanings that reflect their cosmo-vision that are far more complex than ours. My son has a couple of friends identified as sisters/brothers, and they really mean it, challenging the borders of family definitions itself!!!
In this talk, Political Scientist Parag Khanna proposes a different comprehension about borders... it made me think about how we create - through our argumentation strategies - borders that prove illusory afterwords, and maybe we are not fully aware of the consequences of doing so... just like the politicians that tried to establish borders that caused people's suffering and oppression, we ourselves may be helping to create oppressive environments around us through our communication strategies.
I hope this talk will be inspiring to you as well!

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/645

Love, Renata

Consensus

I believe that we should challenge ourselves to always generate grounds for reaching consensus whenever we face conflict situations.

Yesterday I was talking with my son. He is 11, and he was complaining about the new coach of his soccer team. He said the coach was stupid because he decided to make my son play in a different position he was used to play. My son told me he got so upset with the coach's decision, he played terribly. My son insisted on blaming the coach for his poor development on the match.

I listened carefully to my son. I wanted him to express freely all his anger and negative feelings that were intoxicating him. When he was done talking, I asked him: are you satisfied with the results of your experience?

He jumped and shouted: "Of course not! The guy is so stupid!"

With genuine curiosity, I asked him: Do you think things might have turned out differently if you had been able to calmly and respectfully reason with the coach why, in your opinion, you should play in the position you were used to play?

Although I could sense a doubt crossing his mind, my son kept on blaming the coach for his terrible performance.

Our problems with communication begin at early age. I'm afraid we care more about being right than winning a match, as in my son's case. The problem here is that we are losing more than just a match. We are losing unique opportunities to generate value together as a community.

I tried to show my son that he did not try to understand why the new coach insisted on putting him in a different position; maybe the coach saw in him a potential my son is not aware of yet, and will not discover it unless he accepts the challenge of playing in a different position at least once. I tried to make my son reflect upon his own attitude and that maybe he was also being stubborn about his point of view, and that his failure could have more to do with his decision to deny his coach's idea than to his supposedly lack of ability.

My son is only 11, but he already thinks and behaves as if he was supposed to know everything. My son is convinced that knowing all the answers and being right all the time is what grants him acceptance to the group he desires to fit in. My son is not acting differently from most of the executives I had the opportunity to coach or work with in my career as a consultant. And this is what really worries me.

My son finally came to the conclusion that he had lost a good opportunity to learn more about his new coach and he is looking forward to next Saturday, when he will have the opportunity to ask his new coach a lot of questions, and he is also curious to try and play again in a different position with a better attitude. My son is also aware that maybe he is eventually better in the position he is used to play, and he is prepared to try and reason his point of view with his new coach. Maybe he will find out that the coach is not ready for reasoning, but he will try to do it anyway. He knows as well that the coach is the maximum authority and he, as a player, will have to follow his lead. Let’s hope his coach will be a good leader and also learn from this challenging situation, and finally be able to inspire the kids to try something new without feeling threatened by it.

Reaching consensus is not a matter of being weak or giving in power; it is the most effective way of inspiring others to follow your idea. A good leader should think about it.

Jeff Bezos: What matters more than your talents | Video on TED.com

Jeff Bezos: What matters more than your talents | Video on TED.com

Inspiring! He is also talking about choices! "Kindness is a choice", he says!
I hope you will enjoy it as I did!
Kisses

Fish rots from the head, as the saying goes...

"Fish rots from the head, as the saying goes. Organizations, too, degenerate from the top. Those who assume positions of leadership need to constantly strive to better themselves and to overcome the tendency to become arrogant." Daisaku Ikeda, in http://www.ikedaquotes.org/leadership.html 

We, human beings, in our growth, look for examples to follow. This is not good or bad, but a characteristic of our nature. We tend to gather in groups, and we constantly look for points of connection amongst each other.

I once heard Fred Kofman talk about leadership in a time when things change so fast that it is common sense to feel that we surely don't know what to do at all times. In his Seminar "Complexity Made Simple", he made me reflect about one of our most important responsibilities as leaders: a leader is not supposed to KNOW everything, but he or she is supposed to LEARN all the time. This simple shift in one's attitude can make all the difference when we want to become positive leaders.

Learn how we are, how we react, how we interact with others. Observe the world around us. Without judgments. Absorb information with an open mind. Be truly interested to understand behaviors that are different from our own. As J.K. Rowling mentions at her speech above, we are able to use our imagination to really generate empathy with others, understand their sufferings and delights. It is a matter of choice: we choose weather to use or not our full potential to improve ourselves, to be better and more conscious people.

Positive leaders make conscious and responsible choices. Positive leaders inspire others. Positive leaders help create a better world for all of us. We all should choose to be a positive leader. We all can do it! 


 
 
 

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination | Harvard Magazine

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination | Harvard Magazine

The Art of Communication

One of our most precious abilities is that of communicating with others. But we only communicate when we are able to receive and transmit a message. Although it may seem easy and simple to do it, we know that a great deal of suffering comes from misunderstandings.

Sometimes we choose words that hurt others. Sometimes we feel hurt by words from others. Sometimes we react to words, and hurt ourselves and others. Sometimes we create narratives to explain our experiences that exclude or hurt others.


If we are aware of our power with words, and if we make the decision to create harmony with our words, we will begin to create a better world for ourselves and for the ones we share this life with.

If we commit to pay attention to the words we say, we will be able to transform our life-experience, since we will willfully choose to interact with others in a conscious way. If we do so, we can choose weather to initiate a conflict or to inhibit its development.

I understand Gandhi's non-violence principle as a permanent commitment to choose words that define our reality as an integrated and peaceful one.

Be the change you want to see in the world! Choose words that inspire others to reach their fullest potential. Listen to the messages others intend to send to you and use your intelligence and creativity to build a better world through the narratives you create to make sense of your own reality.


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